Down the Rabbit Hole
by rene10
Summary: *For EC's and PitFTW's contest* I hate this book. I always said I hated it, So, why do I now suddenly find myself inside of it? As the main character, no less. *Alice in Wonderland parody*
1. Chapter 1

Down the Rabbit Hole

Chapter One: Books, Tea and Terrible Disguises

A sigh of boredom escaped Princess Peach's lips. "You know Zelda, when you told me you wanted to do something together today, I thought you meant you actually wanted to do something, not sit underneath a tree and read," she grumbled.

"You see Peach, that's your problem. You're always so busy doing something that you never take the time to really relax," the brunette princess countered, her eyes never straying from her book as she did so.

"I have no problem with relaxing! It's just… why do we have to read to relax?"

"Because reading is relaxing," Zelda said firmly.

"Well, couldn't we read a better book?" Peach asked, frowning down at the shut book that lay in her lap.

Zelda's head shot up and she turned to meet her friend's gaze, her blue eyes wide with exasperation. "_Alice's Adventures in Wonderland _is a good book!" she exclaimed. "It's a classic!"

"It makes no sense!"

"Perhaps it would make sense if you actually read it instead of just complain about it," Zelda said, irritation creeping into her voice as she turned her focus back to her book.

Peach once again sighed, glared down at the book for a moment, before letting her gaze roam around the backyard of the mansion. On a beautiful day like today, most of the Smashers were outside enjoying the glorious weather. The trio her eyes came to rest on, however, had a totally different mindset about them.

The apparent leader of the group, Peach's boyfriend Mario, was quickly walking towards the top of a hill, attempting to balance a picnic basket on top of the checkered blanket he had resting in his arms. Link and Luigi, the other two members, dutifully followed him up the hill, shooting each other wary glances as they did. Once at the top, Mario delicately set the blanket down, took the basket off, and unrolled the blanket with his foot.

"So, are you taking us out on a date?" Link asked, eyeing the arrangement carefully.

"No, my friend," Mario said with a chuckle. "You are merely taking part in most recent, groundbreaking development in social interaction as we know it. I call it, the Dating Simulator."

"So, basically, you are taking us on a date," Link surmised.

"No, no, no. I am taking Princess Peach on date."

"Um, bro? Then why is she over there, and us over here?" Luigi asked, pointing to the two women resting under the tree.

"Because, this is big surprise! She will know nothing of it."

"I'm not sure I like where this going," Link said, backing up a few feet.

"Tomorrow is Princess Peach's birthday," Mario said, continuing on as if Link had never said anything. "And frankly, I plan to have romantic night. So, without further ado, I will be will playing me, you," he said, pointing to Link, "Will be Princess Peach, and you," he said, pointing at Luigi, "Will be our trusty butler."

"Why do I have to be the butler?" Luigi exclaimed.

"Because you're the loser," Mario replied, as if it was obvious.

"And why do I have to be the woman?" Link cried, offended.

"Because your testosterone levels are in the negative numbers," Mario said flatly.

"I'm more manly than both of you put together!" Link snapped.

Mario held his hands in front of him in a cautionary gesture. "Calm down Link, you're wrinkling your skirt."

"It's a tunic!"

"Whatever you say. Now then, picture the two of us returning from a beautiful firework show, right after our carnival ride in the Tunnel of Love."

Link was listening to this with a horrified expression. "The primary source of Hylian entertainment is acting. And my imagination still doesn't go that far."

Mario frowned at him. "Shut up, you're ruining the atmosphere! Now Luigi, go fetch us some drinks."

"What kind of drinks?"

"Why, tea of course! It's the Princess's favorite."

"Yeah, yeah," Luigi muttered as he started sulking off towards the kitchen. He then promptly fell on his butt as a blur of pink and gray shot past him. "What the heck?!" he cried, staring after it in confusion.

"Kittykittykittykittykittykit tykittykittykittykittykittyk ittykittykittykittykittykitt ykittykittykitty!" The blur, also known as Kirby with a cat on his head, screamed as he barreled across the yard in search of his mentor. Several of the Smashers dove out of the young puffball's way to avoid a fate similar to Luigi's as Kirby continued his search. The exhilarated youth's eyes glowed with excitement as he locked on to his target, a dark blue puffball by the name of Meta Knight. Once within a foot of him, Kirby quickly screeched to a halt, the gray cat on his head miraculously not falling off as he did so. He then proceeded to tug gently on the inky black cape that enveloped Meta Knight's figure in darkness.

"Kirby, what is the purpose of this disturbance?" Meta Knight asked, his eyes darting around the chaos that had ensued upon Kirby's arrival.

"Kitty," Kirby said innocently, pointing at the terrified cat that rested on his head.

"Yes, I am aware that is a feline, Kirby," Meta Knight said, unable to comprehend what form of levity the child could see in the given situation.

"Can I keep it?"

"No," Meta Knight said without hesitation, proceeding to spin on his heel and march away.

"But Meta Knight," Kirby pleaded as he hurried to catch up with him.

"My answer is final. No."

"Plea-" Kirby was abruptly cut off by the ringing of phone.

"We are outside. Where is that coming from?" Meta Knight asked, one eyebrow raised behind his mask.

"Oh, that's my cell phone," Kirby explained, pulling it out of seemingly nowhere.

"When did you get a cell phone?!" Meta Knight exploded.

"Oh, Ribbon gave it to me for my birthday," Kirby said casually. "Hello?" he said, answering it.

He was greeted by a desperate, raspy voice. "We're dying!" it wheezed.

"Want me to get the king?" he asked. The voice on the other end gasped inaudibly in response. "I'll take that as a yes," he said, beginning to jog off.

"Who is it?" Meta Knight demanded, now flying beside his young ward.

"It's the IRS again," Kirby explained. "DEDEDUM!" He bellowed, rattling the foundation of the mansion as he did so.

"What is it, boy?" Dedede demanded, emerging from the mansion clad in nothing but a towel. "You're interrupting my spa date," he said, placing a hand on one of his oversized hips.

"HE'S INDECENT!" Kirby shrieked, burying his face in Meta Knight's cape.

"What is wrong with you? You're scaring children!" Meta Knight snapped, an indignant fire lighting his eyes.

"Well it seems I've gained myself quiet a rep-pu-tay-SHAWN for this kind of thing, now haven't I?" The fat penguin retorted. "Now what am I down here for, my skin's gonna start drying out."

"Oh! Telephone!" Kirby said, his still firmly embedded in Meta Knight's cape as he extended the phone.

"Who dis?" Dedede asked, taking it.

"A member of a race rapidly falling into extinction," Kirby said, turning half of his face away from the cape to meet Dedede's gaze. At his look of confusion, Kirby clarified: "It's a Waddle Dee."

"Now, what you have to say about that? Ain't nobody falling into extinction," Dedede barked into the phone.

"The food rations…. They're gone!" The Waddle Dee weakly sputtered.

"What chu talkin' about dem food rations gone? All I took was a small snack for the road when I left."

"No, you fool!" Meta Knight growled. "You depleted what little supplies your people had left and left those innocent citizens to starve!"

"Hold up now," Dedede said, extending his pointer finger into the air. "I didn't leave nobody to starve. I am a king, I am a good king," he said, hanging up and tossing the phone back to Kirby.

"How do you live with yourself, you selfish slob?!" Meta Knight roared.

"Well, first of all, I provide myself with a sufficient amount of food," Dedede began. "And then I make sure I have myself a decent shelter. And then I do a heck of eating and sleeping. And that, my gothic little servant-guard, is how I live with myself. King Dedede out!" he cried, flashing them all a peace symbol before disappearing inside.

"This conversation is far from over! If you think…." Meta Knight's voice faded away as he rushed inside after the king, Kirby quickly following, the kitten's tail bouncing behind him as the poor creature clung to his head for dear life. Its grip quickly tightened however as the young star warrior quickly leapt to the side to avoid crashing into Samus as she stormed out of the building.

"We're late!" she screamed over her shoulder. An inaudible agitated reply sounded through the halls. "That's it, I'm leaving," she muttered, grumpily striding away.

"What are you so late for?" Peach asked as the bounty hunter strode past the tree.

"A very important date," she said mockingly as she disappeared around the corner of the house. Peach's eyes lingered on her for a moment, before once again straying back towards her phone, which she had hidden the pages of her book to avoid detection from Zelda. Just as she was about to resume texting, yet another sound interrupted her. "What now?" she muttered, looking up from her phone just to see Yoshi… gathering mushrooms?

"Hi Peach," he said blissfully, swinging his little basket full of deadly mushrooms as he did.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gathering mushrooms, silly."

"Yoshi… those are all poisonous," she said, eyeing the basket warily.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, pulling out a Zombie Shroom. "These little guys are friendly! Say hi Zachary."

"NOM NOM NOM," 'Zachary' said, launching himself at Yoshi's bulbous nose and beginning to chew on it.

"Isn't it cute?" Yoshi cooed, crossing his eyes to look at it.

"It's eating you!"

"Exactly! What could be more adorable?"

Peach gave him a weird look. "You have a strange definition of cute."

"If you say so," Yoshi said with a shrug, wandering off in search of more mushrooms, the Zombie Shroom gnawing ever harder on his nose.

"What an odd little dinosaur," Peach muttered, returning to her phone.

Nearby, two lurking figures spied on the every action of the duo. "Alright, Ganondorf," Bowser growled, "The time has come for us to put our master plan into action."

"What master plan?" Ganondorf snidely inquired. "You said we were going to grab them and run off."

"Pff, when have my plans ever been that simple?"

"I can recall at least fifty instances."

"Whatever! This time it's more complicated. Prepare your mind to be introduced to the highest form of craftsmanship. Expert technicians have been at work on these fabric masterpieces for years, for this very moment. Say hello to our master disguises!"

"Surely you jest," Ganondorf said, now staring down in disgust at the two articles of clothing that Bowser was now holding. In his left he held a pair of blue overalls, obviously for someone of Bowser's size, in his right, a green Link hat.

"Uh, surely I don't These things are revolutionary! Now, put it on."

"Fine," Ganondorf grumbled, reaching for the overalls.

"Gerudo please," Bowser said, snatching the overalls away. "The hat's yours. It's specially fitted for the contours of your curls."

"A blind man would not be fooled by these disguises!" Ganondorf snapped.

"That's probably because a blind man would only hear our voices. Anyone with eyes will instantly be captivated by the detail of our disguises, and their mind will lead them against what they wish to believe."

"Or perhaps they'll just try to kill us."

"Oh please, don't be such a downer! Now suit up!"

"I will smite you."

"Time for smiting later," Bowser said, pulling on the overalls. "Let's go," he said, shoving the hat on Ganondorf's head and dragging him towards the princesses. The two unaware princesses continued their reading/texting as their assailants approached. "Get your Link voice ready," Bowser told Ganondorf as they neared their targets.

"Hiya," Ganondorf responded monochromatically.

"It's-a me, Mario!" Bowser cried in a nightmare-inducing blend between English and Italian substitute that sounded as though it was expelled from the depths of Hades.

Peach looked up, totally unsurprised to see the overgrown lizard in a painfully skin tight pair of overalls. "What do you want?"

"I'm-a celebratin' your birthday!"

"He wouldn't have remembered that, you fool," Peach casually intoned.

"There's a clear choice here," Bowser said, dropping the Mario act. "Potential boyfriend that would remember your birthday, or current boyfriend that forgets it."

"Yes, Princess, glorified stalker verses likable human personality," Ganondorf said drily. "The choice is yours."

"You're not helping anything!" Bowser roared.

"I actually found that quite enjoyable, I got a lot off my chest at once."

"If you two are quite through, your noise is interrupting my reading. Kindly move," Zelda said, looking up for the first time since the pair had arrived.

"But, we're kidnapping you," Bowser feebly protested.

"No, we're incinerating our reputations," Ganondorf stated.

"Ganondorf's description is more accurate," Zelda told Bowser.

"At this point in my career, those three idiots having a tea party have a better reputation than I do. This doesn't bother me in the least," he replied.

"I for one have decided to choose the higher road. I'm going to go join the tea party," Ganondorf said, beginning to walk off.

"Wait! I need you!" Bowser sobbed, chasing after him as fast as the tight overalls would allow him.

"Well, that was annoying," Peach said.

"Indeed it was," Zelda agreed, looking back down at her book.

Peach also glanced half-heartedly down at hers, deciding promptly that it would better serve as a cushion than a source of entertainment. On that note, she buried her head in between the pages.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: A Familiar Pair of Idiots

"I'm late!"

Samus's angry cry jolted Peach from her nap. "Huh?" she said, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she looked at the woman running past her. "Samus?"

The bounty hunter's long blonde hair was out of its usual ponytail and was streaming out behind her as she ran. Her zero suit had been replaced with a bunny outfit that, quite frankly, looked as though it belonged in a strip club. Over it, she wore a red jacket that had a strange bulge in the front pocket. On her head, she wore a white headband with white bunny ears on it, that fell into her face as she ran. Pushing them out of her face and back into their normal position, she let out a stream of curses. "I'm late!" she exclaimed again.

"Samus, wait!" Peach cried, quickly pushing herself off the ground and to her feet.

Samus stopped and turned around, eyeing the younger woman strangely. Suddenly, she reached into her front pocket and pulled out a rather large gold pocket watch. Glancing down at it, she resumed her swearing and continued running, Peach following, rapidly becoming more curious in finding out what exactly was going on. After a few minutes of running, Samus quickly stopped in front a large hole that Peach was sure hadn't been there a few moments before. Shooting the princess a quick look over her shoulder, she wasted no time leaping down the rabbit hole.

"Samus!" Peach cried, swiftly running to the edge of the hole and peering down. It was unbelievably dark, making it impossible to see the bottom. "Samus! Are you alright?" Placing both her hands against the side of the hole, Peach leaned in, in a desperate attempt to see her friend, only to have the ground supporting her hands loosen and give away, causing the princess to fall head over heels down the rabbit hole.

****0000****

Peach awoke, her cheek pressed against cool tile flooring. Its checkered pattern seem to twist and bend out of proportion as she attempted to make sense of her surroundings. "Where am I?" she murmured aloud as she shakily pulled herself to her feet. She shivered slightly as she noticed the distinct lack of cloth around her legs.

Glancing down, she noticed that her usual pair of pink high heels had been replaced with a glossy pair of black flats. White pantyhose adorned her legs, now visible due to the light pink mini dress she was now wearing in place of her favorite long one. Its skirt was slightly flared, reveling to anyone looking the white lace of a petticoat underneath. A dark pink bow rested in the back of the waist, with a matching smaller one in her blonde hair. The only part of her outfit that had remained the same were her earrings and brooch.

But what intrigued her more so than her apparel was the room she was in. It was circular in shape, with doors lining the walls. The only other feature was an elaborate pair of curtains, in between two unmarked doors.

Her curiosity overcoming all forms of caution, she approached the door nearest to her and twisted the knob. "Locked," she murmured. A frown on her face, she tried the door to the right, only to find that it too was locked. Now at a slightly more frantic pace, she quickly rushed to the next door, then the next, meeting the same results every time until it seemed that she had tried all the doors. "They're all locked! I'm trapped!" In a final act of desperation, she threw aside the curtains only to find… nothing. There was only a blank wall behind them. Peach's shoulders slumped in defeat as she dropped the velvety curtains that she had been clutching.

It was then that she noticed the door. It was tiny, only a couple of inches tall. Dropping down on her knees, she gripped the miniscule knob in between her thumb and pointed finger and gave it a twist. "Locked as well. Of course."

Pushing herself, she turned around to find a glass table in the middle of the room, something that had certainly not been there before. Lying on top of it was a tiny key. Peach examined it for a moment, before shrugging and sticking it into the lock of the small door, which swung open immediately afterwards, revealing a glimpse at the beautiful forest that lay beyond.

"Now that's just cruel. How on earth am I going to get out there?" Not wanting to see the forest for the irony it provided, she shut the door and locked it once more, before setting the key on the table and scowling at it. "Some help you were."

Her gaze drifted to the small vial now resting beside the key. "Well, what are you?" There was a small tag attached to it, which simply read: _Drink Me_. "Drink me?" she scoffed. "It's probably poison. I think not," she said setting it back down on the table. "But still, unless I find a way through that door, I'll most likely die anyways." She sighed at the depressing thought. "Oh fine."

The taste was rather odd. It began tasting like strawberries, then like vanilla, then suddenly like fish. She made a face at the last taste before looking around. "Well, I don't appear to be deaAAAHHHH!" Suddenly, the whole room seemed to shoot upwards, leaving poor princess behind to watch. She then realized that the room wasn't growing, she was shrinking!

"I can fit through the door now," she said with a smile as she began walking towards it, until a sudden realization stopped her in her tracks. "The key!" Her head shot up, horrified, as she stared at the gleaming object now so high above her. "No," she moaned. "How am I…" her voice trailed off as she caught sight of a small cake lying near her foot. "Of course."

It simple cake, with plain white frosting with the words _Eat Me _scrawled across it in pink frosting. "Let me guess what you do," she said, as she took a bite. The cake tasted like honey, then milk, then like broccoli. "I suppose it worked," she said cringing at the taste, and at the way her head now bumped against the ceiling. She daintily picked up the key and the vial, and took another small sip, once again shrinking. Now with a broad grin, she unlocked the door and stepped outside to the world beyond.

****0000****

Peach continued on through the forest, mentally grumbling about she had been wandering around for hours now without any sign of intelligent life, though the trees that glared condescendingly at her might be able to fall into that category. Lost in her train of thought, she failed to notice the bickering pair of voices that seem to increase in volume with each step she took. In fact, she didn't even notice them until she quiet literally stumbled into the clearing that they were in.

"You imbecile! Where are we going to find a woman? A simple forest creature will suffice."

"You really think we're going to get a ransom price on a squirrel?"

"Not the first animal we see! The White Rabbit lives in these woods!"

"Well, that's a woman and a forest creature! "

"Exactly. I was more right though."

"Well then, let's be off." The pair turned around, only to be stopped short be the judgmental glares of a young woman that they were receiving.

"Really, Bowser? Really Ganondorf? Do you two have no shame?" Peach snapped, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Dee," was Bowser's pouty response.

Peach's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What?"

"It's BowserDee," he explained.

"And Tweedledorf," Ganondorf added.

"Wait, aren't those the names of things in that book Zelda wanted me to read?"

"Don't be lubricious, those are copyrighted," Tweedledorf stated dismissively.

Peach shook her head, deciding not to argue about idiocy of what they were calling themselves right now. "What are you two doing here? And why are you wearing those ridiculous clothes?"

"Because this is where we've decided to take up residence," Tweedledorf explained, answering her first question.

"And because overalls are the new shell," BowserDee said, answering her second.

She cocked an eyebrow at this as she eyed their clothes: bright red overalls with matching red beanies. "Surely you jest."

"Well, if this garb is as appalling as you insist, what would you recommend we wear instead?" Tweedledorf asked, annoyance evident in his tone.

"Your normal clothes," Peach replied.

"It appears as though you've mistaken us for other acquaintances of yours. This is our very first interaction." Before she could respond to this, BowserDee muttered something into Tweedledorf's ears that made his eyes widen. "Actually," he said, "You do seem rather familiar. What did you say your name was?"

"My name's Peach."

Tweedledorf thought for a moment. "Ah yes, Peach! Didn't we meet once in the-"

"We're fifth cousins," BowserDee interjected smoothly.

Peach openly scoffed at the thought. "No we're not! I'm not related to you in any way, shape or form."

"Is that so Mary Ann?" BowserDee grinned darkly. "Did you honestly think you could fool us with a fake name and a different outfit?"

"What are you talking about?" Peach snapped.

"Ha!" he chuckled. "Now the White Rabbit's ours."

"What?"

"Come along now," Bowser Dee said, seizing her by one arm and Tweedledorf taking the other.

"Let me go!"

"Well, since you asked nice," he said sarcastically.

"Really, this is ridiculous! I'm not this Mary Ann person!"

"Prove it," BowserDee snapped.

"How?"

"Oh well, she can't. Let's go!"

"Bowser!"

"Dee!" he snarled.

"Ganondorf, or whatever the heck you said your name was, talk some sense into him!"

"I'm afraid that we need that ransom money."

"What for?"

"Why, oysters of course. They're such a delicacy."

"You know, you could just work!"

Tweedledorf laughed. "As what, a carpenter? We don't exactly have skills that are expectable in society."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Though I'm not exactly sure how the Red Queen will react to having her servant taken away from her."

"The Red Queen?"

"Why yes. She's ruler of our kingdom."

"What kingdom?"

"The one you're currently standing in my dear! Now will you please be silent for the rest of the trip?"

Peach was silent for a moment, before a small smile appeared on her face as an idea suddenly into her head. "Tell me story."

"What?" BowserDee snapped.

"You want me to be quiet, don't you? Tell me a story."

"Like what?" Tweedledorf asked.

"I don't know, that's why I asked you to tell me one."

"Fine. The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might," he began.

"He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright," BowserDee added.

"And this was odd because it was," Tweedledorf continued, a bit annoyed at having been interrupted.

"The middle of the night," BowserDee finished with him. They continued on together, saying: "The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand. The beach was wide, from side to side," Peach careful slipped her hands from their grip, which had become loose, due to their engagement in the story they were telling. Smirking, she quickly darted off into the woods, the two none the wiser. "But much too full of sand," she heard them finish from the woods as she ran off.

**Author's Note: Hugs if you can guess the song they were singing! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Homewrecker

Peach continued making her way through the forest, occasionally glancing over her shoulder to make sure she had left the two behind. "Honestly, they're insane! Do they really believe they're those characters from that silly book?" She shook her head in disbelief. "I mean-"

"Mary Ann!"

Peach leapt backwards, fearful that the two had found her again, when an extremely annoyed Samus ran in front of her. "Samus?"

"There you are," the bounty hunter said, irritably pushing her bunny ears out of her face again. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Same here!" Peach cried, pulling her friend into a hug, much to Samus's surprise. "I was worried about you! I thought you may have been hurt!"

Frowning, Samus pushed Peach away. "I'm fine, Mary Ann, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you fell down that rab- wait, did you just call me Mary Ann?"

Samus sighed, annoyance clearly written across her face. "Yes, I do believe that's your name."

"But-"

"I don't have time for this, Mary Ann, I'm late!" Samus snapped, pulling out her pocket watch and checking it. "I need you to run back to the house and fetch my gloves for me, I forgot them at home."

"Wait, why?"

"Because I need them for the trial," Samus snapped. "Now go!"

"But, Samus, I don't know where your house is!"

Samus swore loudly. "Sometimes you are the worst maid, Mary Ann. It's right through the bushes," she said, pointing at a small cluster of shrubbery. "Wait, let me guess, you lost your key as well." Not even waiting for an answer, she reached a hand into one of her jacket's pockets and pulled at a small house key. "Here," she said, tossing it at Peach, who caught it. "The gloves are in the dresser in my bedroom. Go!"

Peach quickly ran off, the whole time wondering what exactly was going on, and why Samus was acting just like Bowser and Ganondorf had been. It seemed like everyone here was mad, and she was stuck here with them. Lovely.

The house was easy enough to find, it was just through the bushes like Samus had said. It was a simple enough house, painted white with green shutters, and a neat lawn. Basically, it looked nothing like the type of house Peach would expect Samus to have.

After unlocking the door and entering the, unsurprisingly, neat house, Peach made her way upstairs and entered the bedroom. After a few minutes of rummaging through a few drawers, Peach found the gloves. Smiling happily at her discovery, she started for the door, but stopped when she noticed a small tray of cakes resting on a table right beside the door.

Immediately her stomach began growling, reminding her that she had not had anything to eat since that cake in that room. Biting her bottom lip, she bent down and examined the food. They looked the same as the other cake had; with the omission frosting that had read eat me. _Perhaps these are just normal cakes_, she thought, eyeing them hungrily. Deciding that that must be the case, Peach picked up one and hungrily threw the whole thing into her mouth.

Immediately she began to taste honey, and just as soon, she began to grow. She was growing much faster than the first, time, due to her having eaten all the cake and not just a bite like she had the previous time. Within seconds, the house became too small for her, and because, she grew through the roof. The house came crumbling down around her, and as soon as she stopped growing, she was standing on the pile of rubble that Samus had previously called home.

"Oh no." She quickly thrust her hands into her pockets, dropping the gloves to the ground as she did so, and began searching for the vial she had placed in there after escaping form the room. After finding it, she put it to her lips and swiftly drank the rest of it, just as Samus arrived.

"My house!" Samus cried, slapping her ears away from her eyes so she could survey the damage. "Mary Ann!"

Fortunately for Peach, the liquid in the vial worked just as quickly as the cake had, meaning she had shrunk out of sight just before Samus had arrived. Unfortunately for Peach, she had drank too much of the liquid, and was now three inches tall. From somewhere above her, she could hear Samus's angry rants and threats about what should would do to Peach if she ever saw her again. All the while, Peach remained frozen behind a blade of grass, fearfully that Samus would somehow find her and enact those threats.

After several minutes of this, Samus gathered up her gloves and ran off. Peach waited a few moments to come out, even after her mutterings had long since faded away. "Well, this wonderful," she muttered. "How I am going to get out of this one?"

Seeing as there was nothing better to do in her current size, Peach began to explore the garden, the only thing unharmed by her recent growth spurt. Even though she was miniature, she still found the garden to be quiet lovely, even if the flowers were very rude and kept pointing at her. It was a beautiful day outside, and Peach opened her mouth take in an enormous gulp of fresh, but doubled over in a coughing fit as she inhaled smoke.

The rude flowers found this hilarious, while Peach merely found it annoying. She looked around and saw multicolored smoke rings coming from the direction of a cluster of mushrooms. Curiosity now piqued, Peach decided to investigate.

The closer the she got to the cluster, then bigger the smoke rings became. She began weaving her way through the closely grown mushrooms, until she arrived at the center, where she discovered the cause of the annoyance. "Yoshi?"

"Oh, hi!" he exclaimed, quickly hiding a hookah behind his back.

"Yoshi, what are you doing?"

"Who is the one you call Yoshi? I am Absolem, the great and powerful," Absolem said, trying and failing to sound dramatic as he did so.

"Wrong book," Peach said, an amused smile on her face.

"Look lady, I don't know about you, but I'd rather be the world's greatest con artist than a junkie caterpillar," he said, pulling out his hookah and blowing another smoke ring.

"Oh, is that why you're wearing those antenna on your head?" she said, referring to Absolem's outfit. Unlike everyone else she had met, the only change to Absolem's apparel was a small headband with a pair of blue antenna on it.

"I don't know what you're talking about, these are real. Now then," he said, throwing his shoulders back and once again donning a dramatic tone of voice, "What is your business here?"

Peach rolled her eyes and decided to play along. "I suppose I'd like to be my normal height again."

"Now see, this is right up my alley, this is totally doable."

"You make me normal again?" Peach cried excitedly.

"Yes I can! For the humble fee of… the ownership of this kingdom, ownership of everything you own, and one free pass to a night in your bed, you included."

Peach scowled at him. "So, I take it you can't make me normal."

"…You see," he began after a moment. "I'm in low stock of shrooms right now, not the drugs, mushrooms, regular mushrooms. And, in order to keep my regular customers satisfied, I need funds. So, you're going to have to give me something."

Peach thought for a moment before unfastening her earrings. "Will these be sufficient?"

He looked at them and smiled. "A little bit more."

Cursing under her breath, Peach turned her back to him and undid her brooch. "How about with this as well?" she asked, turning back around.

Absolem's grin grew. "I suppose it'll do."

"Very well," she said, handing them to him. "Now, if you would, make me my normal size again."

"Take a chunk of each of the mushrooms behind you. The one on the right will make you smaller, the one on the left will make you taller." Peach nodded and took a large chunk from each, slipping the one from the right into her pocket for safe keeping. Just as she was about to take a bite from the one on the left, Absolem stopped her. "Wait, before you go," he inhaled deeply from the hookah, "Who are you?" he asked, blowing an enormous smoke ring in her face as he did so.

Peach coughed loudly and waved the ring away, scowling angrily up at him. "My name's Peach," she snapped. "And what on earth was that for?"

Absolem shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, it's a trademark."

She rolled her eyes and took a bite from her mushroom, eager to hurry up and be rid of this place. Once she had returned to her full height, she pocketed the large mushroom, figuring it might come in handy later, and set off into the forest once again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: A Trio of Lunatics

The forest was just as creepy as it was before, this time even more so, for she had to constantly keep an eye over her shoulder to make sure the earlier duo had not caught up with her. To add to the already nerve wracking journey, the strange sounds of the of the wildlife kept appearing at random times, making her feel like she was being surrounded and causing her to panic. Just when she felt like she was about to go mad, an all too familiar pink blob appeared in her path.

"Meow!" Kirby cried happily. Like Yoshi, the only change to his apparel was a headband, though instead of antenna, his had a pair of gray cat ears.

"Kirby!" Peach squealed, rushing towards him.

"Nope," he said cheerfully. "I'm the Keshire Cat! Though I do like the name Kirby. I think I'm going to name one of those trees Kirby. On second thought, I'm just going to name you Kirby. From this point forward, your name shall be Kirby! And by the way, what are you doing in the woods, Kirby?"

Peach giggled at Kirby's actions, she couldn't help it, he was just so cute! "I'm looking for my way home," she explained.

Kirby instantly exploded. "I know a home! Follow me home! Come home with me! Maybe your home and my home are the same home! I think they are Kirby, let's go!" he exclaimed, grabbing Peach's wrist and beginning to lead her off.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," she laughed, allowing the child to lead her.

"What are we going to do when we get home?" he asked. "Oh by the way, there's some other people at home, but you probably already know them since you live there."

"I probably do," she told him.

"Okay! Why do you need to go back home anyways?"

"Because it's my home, I want to go back and see all my friends."

"Well, we're just about there!" He ran ahead towards a small cottage. "Are these your friends?" he called over to her, gesturing to a small group that was seated at a large table.

One was a tall, skinny man with messy brown hair and a dark mustache, wearing a pair brown mouse ears on his head. He wore a rumpled suit and look about ready to fall asleep at any moment. Another was an even taller, younger looking man with shaggy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that had a wild look in them. He had a pair of brown bunny ears on, but unlike Samus's, his stood straight up and seemed in no danger of falling in his face. An old worn out red jacket had been thrown on over a white shirt that seemed as if it too had seen better days.

But it was the last member of the party that truly caught Peach's attention. He was simply sitting there calmly sipping on his tea, unlike his companions, one who seemed to be seconds away from leaping on the table, the other who was now sleeping on plate. A large dark hat was resting on his head, with a few stray pieces of brown hair sticking out from underneath it. He had a black mustache as well, along with a monocle. His apparel was a dark purple trench coat over a nicely pressed shirt, vest and pants.

"Mario!" Peach cried, excitement filling her face as she ran at him and embraced him. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"So I am," he said with a sly. "Though probably not for the same reason you are." He gently pushed her away. "What you see is long lost friend. What I see is stranger."

"Stranger!" Link exclaimed, randomly thrusting his finger into the air.

Peach groaned. "Oh no, don't tell me you don't know who I am either."

"Should I?" he asked. "Perhaps model for Playboy magazine? Hopefully?"

"Model?" Luigi murmured, his voice muffled by the plate.

"No!" Peach cried, aghast that he would suggest such a thing. "Mario? It's me, Peach!"

"Ah! I see what it is! My name is not Mario." Peach opened her to object, but he quickly silenced her. "My true name lost in the threads that compose my past," he begun dramatically.

"Someone spiked the tea," Link explained insightfully.

"I am now known as," Mario said, continuing on as if Link hadn't spoken, before suddenly leaping on top of the table and pointing skywards heroically. "The Mad Hatter! Can you guess why?"

"Because you're criminally insane?" Peach suggested.

"No, no," the Hatter said, waving his finger disapprovingly, a megalomaniacal grin lighting his face. "I haven't done anything criminal yet."

"That's debatable," Peach told him.

"So what is your business in my humble abode?" He asked, taking swaggering steps across the table towards her, until his foot met the back of a chair and he tipped it over, walking down it until he was at ground level.

"He lead me here," she said, pointing at where Kirby had been previously standing, only to find that he had long since vanished.

"See? Perfectly sane woman being lead by nothing," Link said casually.

"He was right there a moment ago!" Peach exclaimed. "How did he do that?"

"Ah, no worries," the Hatter reassured her. "I am sure everyone at this table knows who you are talking about. I believe you have met the infamous Cheshire Cat!"

"Oh yes, he did call himself something like that when we first met, now didn't he?" Peach mused, resting her chin on her hand.

"He tends to drift in and disappear. Do whatever he pleases actually." He chuckled for a moment. "The Queen always has hated him. Sometimes he goes so far as to interrupt her trials."

"Isn't that a bit unsafe? He's just a child, doesn't he have anyone to look out for him?" Peach asked, worry filling her voice.

"When you can be anywhere you want at any point in time, you do not need many people to look out for you. Trouble comes," he snapped his fingers, "Poof! He's gone."

"But still, he seems so young."

"Last incident was when, the Duchess, it was the Duchess! The Queen was trying her for making terrible soup, there was way too much pepper. The little Cheshire Cat teleported himself in, and the Queen forgot all about her audience, the Duchess and everyone else. Needless to say, the Duchess safely escaped." The Hatter's eyes then widened with realization. "The trial! The trial is today! Doormouse, what time is it?"

"60 o' clock," the Doormouse faithfully reported from his face full of food.

"We must be leaving!" the Hatter cried. "The trial itself is at two o' clock in the evening! We will be late!"

"Wait," Peach said, struggling to follow what was happening. "What trial?"

The Hatter looked around cautiously before leaning in slightly and lowering his voice. "Somebody ate the Queen of Hearts tarts. And she's having a trial to find out who did it!"

"That is the stupidest thing to hold a trial for," Peach said indignantly. "What kind of crazy Queen is she?"

"No, no, this high crime indeed. Someone must pay the price for these lost tarts. I think we should be off if we plan to make it there on time. Perhaps you should come with us."

"I suppose I will, though I still think it's a stupid reason to hold a trial."

"Makes sense to us," Link said with a shrug.

The quartet then set off, after Link dragging the Doormouse from his chair, and the Hatter beginning to sing a rather strange song about something called Un-Birthdays. As they made their way towards the Queen's palace, peach couldn't help but wonder what exactly she had gotten herself into by agreeing to travel with these three.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: The Last of Her Trials

"Order! Order in my court! Order in the court of the Red Queen!"

"Silence!" The loud courtroom was instantly silenced by the demanding order proclaimed by the King, who eyed the crowd coldly before speaking again. "All of you here have been called here by the great Queen Dedede, under charges of pastry theft. This crime is comparable to treason, and is punishable by death."

"That's right ya'll, it's punishable by death," Queen Dedede interjected, placing a hand on his hip.

"This is crazy," Peach muttered to Mario. "Are they seriously getting this worked up about a stupid pastry?"

Before anything further could be stated by any party, something astounding happened. The Cheshire Cat appeared in the middle of the courtroom, happily munching on pastries. "Anybody want a piece?" he asked sweetly. "I found them in the Queen's fat rolls." He then turned to the Queen. "Would you like some, Ms. Crossdresser?"

"What does this imbecile think he's doing?" the Queen demanded, the blue feathers of his face now a cherry red. "Off with his head!"

"It's merely a kitten," King Meta Knight stated as he eyed Kirby. "All of this fuss about a mere feline."

"That ain't no mere feline!" Queen Dedede snapped. "It could rearrange the particles of the universe if it needed to! That's the Cheshire Cat!"

The courtroom became a noise filled puddle of chaos at these words, everyone beginning talk about how that small child was the fabled Cheshire Cat, the rumored bane of the Queen's very existence. "Well, as you can see," the King continued, his voice somehow being heard over the roar of the crowd, "Not only is the mystery of the tarts solved, but as is the mystery of the fabled Cheshire Cat. Case dismissed. You may return home," he said, spinning on one heel and beginning to exit the courtroom.

"Wait a minute!" the Queen snapped, placing one hand the King's head and turning him back around. "Don't they want to witness a beheadin' as well?"

Peach's eyes a grew wide in horror, and the Cheshire Cat's grew wide with glee as he realized that he now had a new form of entertainment.

"Oh, so you my head separated from my body?" he asked. "I can do that!" he exclaimed as his head began to float away from his body. "See, it's easy!"

A sigh flew past Peach's lips as she realized that this was going to take a while as a group of paper thin Waddle Dee's marched into the center of the courtroom and began fumbling around, attempting to contain the hyperactive child. She leaned back in her seat and began to watch the show, only to have the grumbling of her stomach interrupt her. Scowling down at it, she placed her hands in her pockets to see if she did in fact have any food. Her blue eyes lit up in triumph as her hand closed around a bit of mushroom. Gleefully pulling it out, she began to contentedly munch on it.

That is, until she remembered the certain side effects said mushroom possessed. Peach swallowed nervously as she felt herself once again begin to grow. This naturally, caused mass panic for the people in the seats along with her and they began pushing past one another in a mass attempt to get away.

"So what we're going to do with this situation is… What the heck is going on over there?" the Queen demanded as he finally caught sight of what was going on. "Wait hold up!" he called up to Peach. "This oh-so clearly defies the rule in my book that says that you can't be over one mile high!"

"But, sir," the King protested, "If I had to make an approximation I would say that she is only one-"

"Now I don't even need your opinion on this one!" Queen Dedede snapped, cutting off the King. "There's got to be a rule that says it's illegal to be that high up off the ground. So somebody go get her!" he roared.

Immediately the Waddle Dee's dove into action, launching themselves at the only part of Peach they were tall enough to come into contact with, her feet. Scowling down at them, she began kicking them away from her, which in turn, made the Queen that much more irritated at seeing his soldiers being defeated so easily, causing him to send more, and more, and more. The latter groups were smarted than their predecessors, so they took advantage of their spears, launching them at the princess, who quickly found, no matter how tall you are, being hit with dozens of little spears all at the same time, hurt. A lot.

She began wildly waving her arms in an effort to deflect them, only to have them getting stuck in there too, causing her cry out in pain. "Peach!" came a feminine voice. "Peach, wake up! Peach!"

"Huh?" Peach's fluttered open, only to be met with the concerned gaze of Princess Zelda.

"Peach, are you alright? You were having a nightmare," she explained.

Peach responded by launching herself at her friend and pulling her into a tight embrace, knocking them off balance and sending them crashing into a he ground. "It was all a dream!" Peach cried happily.

"Peach what on Fayore's green earth has gotten into you?" Zelda asked, pushing herself off of the ground and brushing off her dress. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Never been better!" Peach chirped, beaming at her friend, who merely gazed back warily. "Just promise one thing, Zelda."

"And what would that be?" the brunette princess asked, caution filling her tone.

"That I'll never have to read that wretched book again."

Zelda scowled at her. "Honestly Peach, is that what this is about, because I've never…."


End file.
